RandomMuch

Unfortunately I am not much of a reader.  I have given it a fair chance, but the truth is I honestly believe I have a reading disability.  I notice that I sometimes have to read sentences more than once to grasp the content.  Where as if it is said aloud to me, I comprehend immediately.  The reason I mention this is because, on top of the fact that I would love to read more, there are certain stories I would much rather experience in written form.  At the very least, before I see the movie.  Perfect example: I would have loved to have read The Lord of the Rings before seeing the movie.  I can die a happy man if I never get to read the actual book, but one that I will make a point to go back and read are the tales of Alice and Wonderland.  Before I say exactly why, even though it may seem obvious at this point, let’s get into the review.

The good:  It didn’t completely suck.  That’s the best I can say.  The only things that saved it for me, were Helena Bonham Carter and Crispin Glover.  Those two are almost to the point that they can do no wrong in my eyes.  I believe Tim Burton is pretending to be dark and gothy, whereas Carter and Glover are genuinely, dark and  unique people.  The best line in the movie is when Alice is told and later tells someone that basically it is OK to be “mad”, some of the best people are.  And that is entirely true about Carter and Glover.  The only other thing I might say is good, is that it has a few awe-inspiring visuals, but I believe they could have done more with them.

The bad:  Where to begin?  Since I left off the good with the visuals, let’s start there.  Like I said, there are some great shots in this movie.  BUT… I found it disheartening that this movie was not shot in 3D.  It was shot in 2D and converted into 3D.  That was very obvious when seeing it.  I told my wife upon our departure that this movie could have been for 2D, what Avatar is for 3D.  Instead, someone lacked the proverbial “testicular fortitude” to say, “NO!  We are making a 2D feature and will NOT convert it into 3D.  This movie could have accomplished so much more just being the best of the old and not trying to just, “fit in”.  Which is ironic, because that’s what I think Burton does, just tries to “fit in”.  He is not goth.  He is not dark.  And he is not that great of a director.  The only time he managed to NOT mess up a movie for me was when he told stories that were already dark.  Batman and Sweeney Todd.  Other than that, it seems like they come up to him and say, “We want you to do a movie about (insert plot here).”  And his response, “Oh oh oh, can I make it a “DARK” (insert plot here).  And with a rolling of the eyes the execs say, ” Yesssss Timmy.  Go ahead.”  He even has to go as far as to change it from Wonderland to Underland.  Really Timmy?  Seriously?  The actress that plays Alice has only two emotions: “poor little me” and “now I’m mad”.  She is very cute, but didn’t do very well.  Another thing, Johnny Depp is one of the most overrated actors in history.  The only role he knows how to play well is “weird”.  He did well as Carl Jung in Blow but that’s because he played a real person he didn’t have to interpret.  He was a walking corpse in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  Otherwise he does “weird” like no one else.  And not even a good “weird”.  Eddie Scissorhands, Crybaby, Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Jack Sparrow… all weird.  The only other role that stands out is Sweeney Todd and that’s because he didn’t play weird, he just played sinister and angry.  Just because he stepped out of his comfort zone a couple times does not make him a good actor.  I found nothing to really enjoy about this movie.  For that reason, I look forward to making myself read the books so I cam wash this movie out of my head.  Edit:  I can’t believe I almost forgot.  I try not to say too much about the plot of the movie for the sake of those that read this and have yet to see the movie.  But here’s a bit of a spoiler.  They keep talking about a dance that The Hatter is good at, and then they finally show it.  WTF?!?!!  It is one of the, if not THE, stupidest thing I have seen in a movie… EVER!

If you are one of these little emo punks running around, or if you’re one of the fake goths, or if you are a die-hard Timmy Burton fan, then MAYBE you’ll like this movie.  If you’re an Alice in Wonderland fan, I can’t say from experience, but I think you’ll be disappointed.  If you’re just a movie fan, like me, I venture to say that you’ll be disappointed too.  According to my star rating,  1 star means “avoid at all costs”, and 3 stars is “watch it but wait for the DVD”.  This is right in between.  2 stars means “watch if forced, as in: on a date or you lost a bet”.

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AC

P.S

I gladly admit that it might be my hatred for all things Timmy that makes my review seem biased.  BUT… I did like the 1989 Batman and I gave Sweeney Todd a try even though it was Timmy and I liked that as well.  I also liked Beetlejuice at the time, and I love Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.  So there!